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We would also, though, have missed out on Line Of Duty, The Blue Planet II’s sex-changing fish, Chris from Love Island announcing, “I’m like a Polar Bear”, and all the year’s other wonderful, inspiring, funny, infuriating, deranged and un-forgettable television highlights, which I’ve arranged here in bite-sized chunks. Spoiler alert: The Best TV Show of 2017 category is unlikely to feature Casualty. the last defender.” BEST LIVE TV MOMENT: A well- lubricated Rod Stewart conducting the fifth round of the Scottish Cup draw in the same manner as Emu once conducted interviews with Michael Parkinson.BEST SUBTITLING: Match of the Day commentary: “Lukaku strong enough to get away from Morgan, clever enough to get beyond Wasilewski,” which became: “Lukaku strong enough to get away from Morgan, clever enough to get away from (Long pause) . WORST LIVE TV MOMENT: Dr Chris Steele asks Alexander Armstrong “Does it hurt?Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield refusing to share their private jokes.

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FALSE MODESTY FAIL OF THE YEAR: Let’s Dance for Comic Relief, Sue Perkins: “Sara Pascoe, the girl who makes comedy look so much fun I almost want to have a go myself.” And why not. BEST SPORTING INSIGHT: Eddie Jones: “If that’s rugby, I’d rather pick up my stumps and go home.” BIGGEST LIE/DELUSION: John Bishop: “I think The Nightly Show is something that could become a mainstay.” Last seen April 2017. You’ve got to catch one first.” And that’s why Channel 4 pay him the big bucks.

LEAST NECESSARY ANNOUNCEMENT: 100 Stone and on the Dole: “It’s lunchtime.” WORST SPIN-OFF: A toss-up between Richard Hammond careering over the side of a hill on The Grand Tour and Kat & Alfie: Redwater. SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT OF THE YEAR: Courtesy of BBC1’s Wild Alaska Live.

The first was Attenborough’s majestic and disturbing Blue Planet II, even if its “whale drop” wasn’t quite as spectacular as the one Gemma Collins performed at the Radio 1 Teen Awards.

The second was ITV2’s Love Island, which captured the public’s imagination like no other show this year, despite not being quite as good as the previous series.

BIGGEST FORMAT LETDOWN: The Discovery Channel offering us Phelps Versus Shark and not, as I first heard it, Feltz Versus Shark. Matt Baker watches a forest ranger poke a pile of dung in the middle of a north American forest and confirms: “Yes, it belongs to a bear.” SKY PLANNER PREVIEW OF THE YEAR: TLC, My Giant Genitals: “A growth on Forence Owiti Opiyo’s genitals has swollen his testicles to the size of bagpipes. ” Or will he be performing at the Edinburgh Royal Military Tattoo, from August 3?

SYCOPHANT OF THE YEAR: Life Stories, Piers Morgan to Kim Cattrall: “This is the culmination of 25 years of hero worship. WORST COMEBACKS: Porridge, Naked Attraction, Blind Date, which looked like it was set in the Daleks’ graveyard, on Channel 5, Cold Feet, Ball & Boe: Back Together, like ball & ache, Michelle Fowler with a head transplant on East Enders, and Dean Gaffney, without a head transplant, on East Enders, BEST COMEBACK: The Great British Bake Off, on Channel 4, minus Mel & Sue.BOAST OF THE YEAR: Child Genius, little Rahul’s dad Minesh: “We’re all achievers.I used to play table tennis for Barnet Council.” So THAT’S where I recognise you from.” Chester: “Cardiff.” Tipping Point, Ben Shephard: “The word swap is an anagram of which stinging insect? Bradley Walsh: “Who was the first horse to win the Grand National three times?(born April 10, 1959), known professionally as Babyface, is an American singer, songwriter and record producer.I salute the self-satisfied, multi-chinned, trunk bunket.

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