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Of course your husband should not blame you and he must take responsibility for how he has hurt you with his online behaviour, but the two of you must take responsibility for improving the marriage.

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Improving the marriage The discovery of your husband’s online world is a crisis in your marriage but it can also represent an opportunity.

You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.

This should be time you have alone perhaps when the children are in bed and to make sure it is distraction free (with the computer and TV turned off).

In addition, try to have at least one special evening a week when you get a baby-sitter when you can do some new things together. The biggest prize of a successful marriage is closeness and intimacy – which allow a couple to accept and support one another on a deep level.

When I challenged him, he was embarrassed and then defensive saying it was just harmless flirting and that he had not gone over any line.

I still feel really unhappy about what he has done.

A second issue for a marriage is that one partner turns to the internet for flirting and sexual excitement rather than to their partner.

When this happens frequently, it can lead to a reduction in their sex-life together, a growing sense of disconnection and an erosion of the marital bond.

To move forward, it is important that you continue to talk to your husband and try to understand the extent of his difficulties and what the underlying issues are for him.

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