This I believe is a sign of not only high EQ but of wisdom. "I want Mama," sulked Max, somehow accusing me for being the wrong parent.
Though I read about validation and "active listening" I didn't learn the importance of it. And from watching what works and what doesn't work. My initial impulse was to react with hurt and say, "Well she's not here and I am, so take or leave it, bub." I resisted, and instead said lovingly, "You really want Mama, don't you? I forgot my plan for a moment, and shifted to "reality" saying, "I'm sorry she's not here, Maxie, but I'll snuggle with you." I was thinking, "She's going to be here in ten minutes, it's not that bad!
After all, your partner isn't going to fix your old wounds. For the record, I’m not saying couples therapy is bad or that it wasn't helpful for me.
One just needs a strong sense of self and a clear picture of what they want to achieve. Heal your core fears and wounds and stop thinking that someone else will fix it for you.
You can spend the rest of your life craving a connection with others when what you’re really searching for is a connection with yourself.
Amita is the Founder of Aligned Holistics.com, a coaching services company that empowers individuals to create lasting change from a place of self-love instead of self-discipline.
And ultimately, the belief that feelings need to be validated to be valid was the cause of my codependency.
Here’s what it comes down to: If you don’t believe your feelings are genuine, real, and legitimate, nothing your partner says will make a difference.
He spoke on how we can change the world by changing our relationships. He went on to explain how we strive to connect with others in order to experience a taste of the joy and love we once received from our primary caregivers. The fact that I need him to tell me I have a right to feel this way is exactly what’s keeping me in a relationship that’s wrong for both of us.
This connection is our deepest desire and losing it is our greatest fear. It’s counter-intuitive to look to relationships to fix wounds from our past. The belief that I might find joy in a relationship because it might temporarily quell a deeper abandonment issue is the exact reason I remained codependent for most of my life. Whether or not another person sees it, I have a right to feel the way I feel.
" I suspect he heard my effort to minimize his feelings: "GO Away Daddy. Again, part of me felt rejected and wanted to go away.