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Parents can begin by describing three components of a serious relationship: Attraction, Enjoyment, and Respect. Typically it is based on appearance and personality that motivates wanting to spend some time together. Typically it is based on companionship and commonality that allow them to share experience together.

Respect is how the relationship is conducted in a sensitive manner.

" Second: "Do I like how I treat the other person in the relationship?

" For example, "Do I accept the right of the other person to view things differently from me?

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Typically it is based on keeping treatment of each other within limits that feel comfortable and safe for them both.

Parents can declare: no matter how much attraction and enjoyment there is, if how young people treat each other lacks respect for one or both of them, then what they have is not a good relationship. As I describe in my book about adolescence, "The Connected Father," parents can suggest four basic treatment questions to which their son or daughter needs to ask and answer "yes" to affirm that the significant dating relationship is good, or at least good enough.

For sure, parents need to tell their son or daughter that any kind of violence (action with intent to harm), be it verbal, emotional, physical or sexual, is not okay. First: "Do I like how I treat myself in the relationship?

" For example, "Do I give my needs and wants as much importance as the other person's in the relationship?

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