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I have never seen such a large population with such a fucked up shared interest.The accidents themselves really don’t slow down much in terms of traffic, as they’re rarely more than a fender-bender, but the reactions make traffic so much worse.I would like to change this last one to reflect my new discovery about Texas and its inhabitants: “Don’t mess with Texas…

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The rest of you though – get your shit together, ‘cause I’m not going to be here to call you on it anymore.

See you around, Texas, just one less “Liberal” to deal with.

I was attacked by a loose dog in my neighborhood last year, and do you know what the owner had to say?

“Well, he’s had his allergy shots, so you should be ok.

Just invest in Super Soakers and head on down to the highways.

You could basically watch the state implode given the right time-frame.

You people who keep denying this “global warming” conspiracy, opting for the “Liberal Media bias” argument – I hope you enjoy your denial while bursting into flames when you step outside to mow your lawn. Also, while businesses enjoy some great incentives to grow here, look at the wages of the workers and the poverty rates among those workers. Rick Perry shits on Hurricane Sandy relief and asks for funding when suddenly Texas needs disaster relief. Someday, those of you who hold your best interests above all else, will die, and no one will give a shit. This is a nationwide issue, but I’ve rescued and re-rescued more dogs here than I ever have anywhere else.

How about utilizing some of those great incentives to help your citizens, or keeping up with your business code enforcement? This shit is already starting to plateau as your population booms and innovation subsides. I tried to keep an open mind, I really did, but when a former employer corners me the day after Obama’s reelection to explain to me that Obama is (no shit) just like Hitler for reasons A, B, and C – I just can’t deal with you anymore. You will have lived a pointless existence, and the rest of us will be happy to see you go. You people couldn’t give a shit about another living creature, and you’re all the worse for it.

I’m going to miss you guys, and I’m sorry to so many of you that I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye to – you deserve better of me than that.

Just know that you folks gave me a break here, mostly from my anger and darker sense of self, and for that I’m forever grateful.

Quite honestly, the only reason I didn’t call the cops was because I didn’t want the dog put down.

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