Which is why I had mixed emotions when things with S. I didn’t need him around, but I sure wanted him around. By date four, we all went to a Dolly Parton concert with his parents and siblings in Maine. I never had time to shop for lacy bras, let alone shave my legs or wear glowy makeup. It was a little surprising, however, when she started calling him “Da-Da” around 11-months-old. I’m constantly carrying Hazel, the stroller, her scooter, her helmet, our groceries (aka: waffles, Talenti and wine), my coat, her jean jacket, my pocketbook, her pocketbook, her babies, my keys if I can find them, etc. Now I can say, “Thank goodness I have a second set of hands!We took her hiking upstate, which coincided with a work trip for him. We barely went to any cool, cultural activities unless they ended by p.m. Granted, she also called dogs “Da-Da’s.” We laughed it off by telling people she thought S. “Da Da” soon turned to “Daddy” and while we never pushed it, we also never corrected it. ” I’m so grateful to have a loving partner worthy of my and Hazel’s complete adoration.
Single dad and dating
Single mothers are bona fide idiots and here is why you should never even consider dating one: First, this is a woman who clearly doesn’t give a shit about her child’s well-being and future prospects.
Lumping her in with single mothers is an insult to his memory, to her and to her children. Divorced mothers are also NOT single mothers, although a huge flashing PROCEED WITH CAUTION sign is definitely in order. A single mother is a woman who had a child outside of any established relationship, or a relationship so fragile the thickest retard in the world ought to have been able to see bringing a child on board was a FUCKING TERRIBLE IDEA.
You can pick up a heroin addiction, drop out of high school, rob a bank or decide to write the great American novel financing yourself on your credit cards. You can go to rehab, get your GED, get parole, and pay off those cards. A modern man doesn’t turn up his nose at a woman with some sexual experience who might have learned a trick or two from previous lovers about what men REALLY like, or more likely, she learned how to FIND OUT, but the majority of men would like to see a NEW sign on her uterus. When a man picks a wife, he wants to know he won’t be competing with some random babydaddy who was there before him. A great wife and mother places the needs and happiness of her husband and children ABOVE her own needs, and in doing so, finds her greatest happiness. But a woman who makes YOU the center of her life is going to be a great wife. Oh, that’s the story she’ll spin for you, because really, what women is going to sit there and say “I’m an unbearably controlling and irrational cunt who made my husband’s life such hell he decided he would rather be a weekend Dad than spend one more second with me”. What kind of delusional self-image does a woman have, if she can fall for a con artist with a gambling habit that would shame Charlie Sheen?
But once you have a child, you cannot take it back. Third, single mothers profoundly misunderstand men. There are few men who are overjoyed to spend their blood, sweat and tears on some other guy’s genetic offspring. A woman who cares so little about her children, her own prospects, and her future husband is NOT going to make a great wife. Oh, and in return, you have to make HER the center of your life. When you meet a divorced single mother, immediately start looking for the flaw. Something that drove another man to pledge his undying love to her, to have and to hold, from this day forth, and then sometime later decide “fuck this shit. Be very cautious around a woman who takes none of the blame for her failed marriage.
Updated to add: The use of the term ‘single mother’ is not exactly accurate. If you screw up and get pregnant, don’t screw up even more and bring an innocent child along with you! Divorced moms who escaped abusive marriages with drug/sex/gambling/whatever addicts should not get a free pass from you, either.
If you are a mother and you are collecting child support, you are not a single mother. The rest of us who have to LIVE with your fucked up, emotionally scarred children will PAY you to have a fucking abortion. Second, single mothers are clearly really, really shitty at making life decisions. You both put each other’s happiness above your own. Now divorced mothers, who are a breed of single mothers, MIGHT be a little different, but whenever you approach one, sing this little song in your head: it takes two to tango. Even if it’s TRUE that the husband was a colossal fuck-up, you need to ask yourself what kind of imperceptive moron couldn’t spot that?We watched her crawl for the first time on the floor of a hotel lobby — while on a magazine assignment for me. Those early stages of dating that are often filled with drunken nights and romantic drifting were pretty much impossible for us. I could also say, “One more pair of socks to pick up and also, um, the will to move my body for, um, sex?! ” It’s not a single mom or working mom or married mom thing — parenting can sometimes feel crazy amazing crazy hard.Whatever the sacrifices were, we liked what we had. Many times a day — especially now that we all live together in an apartment in Brooklyn — I ask myself, “Am I still a single mom? If you ever find yourself referring to a woman whose husband died on a battlefield as a single mother, you should immediately pour Tabasco sauce into your eyes, because you deserve to weep all the tears I’m certain she has.Having a child out of wedlock is pretty much the number one thing you can do to fuck up your life. Never, ever assume a divorced woman is some innocent blushing maid cruelly abused by some terrible man. What kind of insecurities plague a woman who thinks getting married to a drug addict is good idea? was over Bloody Marys and fried potatoes at Vinegar Hill House in Brooklyn. We bonded about our New England roots, and delighted in throwback slang, like ‘wicked’ and ‘grinder.’ I insisted he take the leftovers home. Alas, transitioning into a more conventional family structure was about to be one of the hardest decisions of my life. I guess I didn’t belong in that Facebook group anymore. What would it really mean if she started to call him Daddy?