If your goal is simply to communicate that you two aren’t on friendly terms, you can say something like, “We went through a difficult divorce, and it’s better for the two of us not to socialize.” You may have to smile and nod at some of the same work events, but at least you can let your friends know that you’re not so friendly you’d like to be invited to the same dinner party.But if you’re feeling a desire to share the truth of your abusive marriage with some of your friends, then I think you can go into greater detail about why you left, to whatever extent you feel comfortable with.I love it that they are starting this new adventure in the dating scene together.
It’s heartening to see that you understand this as a personally painful but acceptable outcome—ultimately, it’s for the best that Anita does not feel financially pressured into giving up a child that she wants to parent.
You don’t say, however, that she is in danger of a medical or housing crisis without your support—just that she will not be able to afford “the same level of care” without your continued assistance.
Regardless of what Anita’s mother thinks, you and your husband should determine whether you can afford (and are willing) to help defray any further costs over the next six weeks, if for no other reason than that you want Anita and her baby to be well.
If you cannot afford it, and if you believe it will not put either of them in harm’s way, your best option may be to encourage her to seek resources from the financial assistance center at the hospital where she plans to give birth.
Nobody has any idea how bad the abuse was, or why we divorced, and I still have to see my ex on occasion.
My question is: How do I address my divorce circumstances politely, without burdening my new connections with a heavy dose of emotional content?
We’ve paid Anita’s medical bills and an allowance so Anita didn’t have to work too hard during her final trimester. My husband and I wish Anita well, because we want her baby to succeed, but we also want to sever our relationship with her.
She’s due in six weeks, and we discovered by accident that at some point she’d changed her mind. Anita won’t be able to afford the same level of care without our money, and her mother has accused us of being heartless. We can’t afford to support Anita and pursue adoption.
Dear Prudence, My 15-year-old daughter is a freshman in high school and has her first serious boyfriend.