She quickly dismisses him and says, “You know I don’t understand all that technical stuff, it just makes no sense to me. Since she doesn’t care about what he does, he seeks that type of understanding elsewhere.
He may spend more time with people who are part of that world, or are passionate about the same kind of mission.
He got a real job, he committed to her, he took her on romantic dates, he was happy and alive. The short version of this very long conversation is that while he did love and care for me, being with me made him feel like an even bigger loser.
I felt devastated and I beat myself up over it for months. The more I tried to “fix” him, the more damaged he felt. The more I tried to make his life easier, the more comfortable he became with his own misery.
It’s not that he doesn’t love his partner, she just can no longer connect to him in the way he wants most and when that sort of pure appreciation comes from another source he can’t help but be drawn to it. During the workday, he is on fire with passion and thrives off of meeting the daily challenges of his job.
After killing it all day, he comes home feeling on top of the world and wants to share that energy with his girl. He feels like she doesn’t accept the most important part of his life, the thing that makes him feel effective and worthwhile.
After many months of things going from bad to worse, of our once passion-filled relationship drying up into an almost platonic, mother-son type of dynamic, he cheated on me and swiftly entered into a relationship with said mistress.
If that wasn’t bad enough, within a few weeks of them dating he all of a sudden transformed into the man he could never be with me! The answers didn’t come until several years later with both the wisdom that comes with experience and my somewhat hasty decision to reach out to him and ask the questions that had been haunting me.
I am not saying there is an excuse why he did it, but there is a reason.
And knowing the reason can be therapeutic in a way.
Maybe a girl will come along who finds what he does sexy, and she appreciates him for the effort and passion he puts into it.