From declarations of falling in love and ‘I love you’ when they’d barely known them a hot minute, conversations about babies, marriage, moving in, meeting parents and being whirled around like a show pony amongst friends, or hearing about how ‘Everyone is so eager to meet you’, to high intensity liaisons with persistence, great sex, average sex, and multiple phone calls, texts, emails, and letters in a bottle, all of these people have been whizzed at high speed through the early crucial stage of dating.
Dating is a fact finding period where you should be discovering ‘facts’ that let you work out whether you can proceed, or whether you should be cautious, and/or abort the mission.
If you love and trust blindly and get sucked into being moved along at high speed, you will be blind in the relationship when you actually have a responsibility to yourself to have your eyes open. Slowing down and actually getting to know each other at a healthier pace creates a connection.
Originally scheduled as a lunchtime meet, it lasted all day and into the night.
The following day she said it felt like they’d known each other for weeks instead of hours. Another friend met a guy who she was half-heartedly interested in.
You should date with a reasonable level of trust as a basis and your interactions serve as a series of checks and balances.
Positive things increase your trust, dodgy stuff should have you rolling back and assessing the risk.
Of course when they disappear or they replace ‘the model’ you got with a pared down version, you will wonder what was wrong with you to cause the loss of adoration.
While it is very flattering when someone says they love you immediately or makes you the centre of their universe immediately, the fact of the matter is that they don’t know you enough to be sincere about it. I’m not saying that you’re not a wonderful person, but aren’t we giving ourselves and them too much credit by believing that our libido, powers of judgement and observation and awareness of our own values are so powerful that we can tell immediately based on looks, sexual chemistry, penis size, words etc that we (or they) love someone? Well, we don’t like to appear to be spoil sports, many of us are not aware of the perils of red flags, and we second guess ourselves.
Also don’t you remove the mystery and stuff to look forward to when you try to do it all very quickly? If you are being fast-forwarded you will miss crucial red flags that indicate that the relationship is unhealthy.