Ironically, the very behaviors you engage in to get into a healthy, loving, committed relationship do just the opposite, leaving you in tremendous pain and feeling like you’re destined to be alone forever.
Looking back at the wreckage of your relationship history, you’ll know if it’s time to cleanse your dating palate of the chaotic and destructive patterns that have gotten you to where you are, overwhelmed by loneliness and afraid you’ll be perpetually single.
And another year goes by of filing and expense reports, trying to make ends meet with crumpled dollar bills, and thicker layers of dust accumulating on your guitar.
You you think, as you send him links to every clip you’ve ever published after he expressed interest in your writing on your first date. Or take him through your recent Power Point presentation.
He believes in you and this feels wonderful, but you come to depend on his approval. How To Break It: As far as validation goes, the best place to get the approval you desire is from within yourself.
You long to be an actor so you date an accomplished performer while waiting tables.
You love to sing so you date a rock star while your guitar collects dust in your closet. accomplishments, and feel successful by association just because he’s dating you.
But while you can’t choose not to have that first thought, you decide not to let yourself follow it. Force yourself to finish reading that Tweet, or maybe even that book you were so into before you met him. So if you’re having a serious flirtation with a guy and feel like you’re getting swept away, get back into reality STAT. The Pattern: When you like a guy, you try to orchestrate events that will bring you together, like organizing a happy hour after work or a night out dancing with your classmates. You are trying to push him to ask you out NOW so you don’t have to sit with your anxiety all week.
Instead of lying in bed reliving a yummy date, go out to brunch with a friend. As uncomfortable as it might be, try to have a conversation about what’s actually going on between you rather than indefinitely staying in a fantasy relationship with him. It’s masochistic to be involved with a guy who’s not truly available for a relationship with you, whether it’s because he has a girlfriend, a wife, or just issues. The morning after a date you text him, “Thanks so much for last night, it was amazing! You feel like you have to plot out every step of this relationship and without your constant vigilance, it will wither away and die. You are not really in control anyway, even though you think you are.
Click through to see some of the biggest offenders and suggestions for how to let them go. Plus: 8 Types Of Scientists We Want To Date And Why ### The Pattern: After a date, you lie in bed all day reliving every delicious moment from the night before.
If you can break these deadly dating patterns, you might have a shot at that love thing after all. Or as soon as you meet a guy, you envision your future dates with him, marrying him, or just having hot sex with him.
At work, you bump into cabinets and space out during meetings because you’re so intoxicated by fantasies of this guy. Your attention span is shot and you can only keep your mind off him long enough to read a Tweet. How To Break It: Make a rule for yourself: No Fantasy.