I was shocked by the things he said, and yet, it was totally hot.
He told me how to touch myself and what to imagine him doing to me as I got closer and closer to the edge.
I may have been safe from sexually transmitted infections and physical danger, but I wasn’t taking into account how this would affect me emotionally.
After the first time, we started having cybersex frequently, both of us getting more comfortable and pushing the limits of fantasy to things I had never fathomed. But at the same time, I was getting jealous and attached, and couldn’t help but feel used; we still weren’t hanging out offline.
It felt confusing, like I was in a weird dating/non-dating limbo with someone I wasn’t even physically getting to see.
I was excited and nervous at the same time — I kept thinking, Throughout all of this, while he was constantly pushing to talk to me over text, he never made the commitment to see me in person, and he blew me off regularly.
Should I have ended it and gone running when he pushed it to that point after I told him to slow down? Didn’t he seem like a creep who was out to see how far he could push me? Trust me, I saw the red flags, but I loved hearing from Lucas.
Still, I told him to slow things down — it was a bit too soon for sexting, in my mind.
We continued texting, touching base almost every single day to get to know each other.I'll spare the details, but it was by far one of the most passionate, comfortable dates I’ve ever had. “It shouldn’t feel like I’m out with my girlfriend.” I agreed, but at the same time, we’d been talking and “seeing” each other for months.It felt like we were two people who’d been dating for months — beyond the physical stuff, we were comfortable just sitting and talking. Because of all of the cybersex we’d been having, I was already comfortable with him.I was loving getting to know Lucas beyond our cybersex connection — his politics, his family stories, his life goals — and I wasn’t prepared for how I’d feel if that interest wasn’t reciprocated after our intimate Face Time sessions.I honestly just didn’t expect to feel so close to someone I hadn’t slept with in “real” life.Before I even got home that night, he started texting me, and within a few days, he tried to switch our digital conversations from sweet to sexual: “When we go to the movies, can you wear a skirt?