The pet is a friend that does not place demands on the man and accepts him as he is. AS males may seem set in their ways and can appear to be selfish or insensitive.They may speak without weighing how their words will affect others. AS men have been known to pass blame onto other people. AS men have been known to explode over relatively minor things (e.g., a burnt meal, a missing book, etc.). However, the man may feel that he is a “bad” person to behave in such a way, yet feels powerless to change. In a romantic relationship, the AS man may resist physical touch and public or private displays of affection. Job interviews often pose a problem since the AS man has impaired social skills and may not respond appropriately, or may misread the interviewer’s body language. Males with AS have normally spent decades learning how to get by in life. Males with AS often have a reputation for being cranky and difficult.
Hearing may also be affected, and he may dislike loud noises and certain music.
Also, crowds may be overwhelming, and he may avoid them all together. Sexual issues may arise if the AS male has not received an appropriate sex education earlier in life.
But unfortunately, it is too often the case that the “neurotypical” (i.e., non-Asperger’s) wife/partner views these traits as “defects that could be corrected if the man would just try harder,” resulting in the wife/partner feeling depreciated, unloved and resentful (which is truly the downside of AS for men). As a woman with AS who has been happily married for almost 30 years to a man with AS, the mother of a daughter and four sons who are all on the spectrum, the grandmother of little Spectrumites and as a fully human being with a complete range of emotions I would like to say that it is the mis-match between different neurologies that causes most of the problems.
Oh, and I'm the daughter and grand-daughter of Spectrumites too.
Men with AS often have some of the following traits, but they will vary in both number and level of severity from person to person: 1.
A special interest (e.g., coin collecting) is common in males with AS, and this may be something they have pursued for years.
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In an effort to save face and protect their fragile self-esteem, these males may blame others for things that they should take responsibility for themselves. People around them assume that they are simply ill-tempered or prefer their own company. Many AS males often desire friends, but may also be considered loners.
Typically they have a much lower capacity for social interaction than a “typical” man. Many AS men have learned to lie to help them cope with life.
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